


fear don't know no love (when we're all the same)

by MercuryWilliamson (MementoMoriPontifexMortis)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 09:02:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4094977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MementoMoriPontifexMortis/pseuds/MercuryWilliamson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>war doesn't end when the fighting is over, which is a hard lesson to learn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fear don't know no love (when we're all the same)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TinyTeddy878](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyTeddy878/gifts).



> Banged this out in a couple of hours, so all mistakes are my own. Not beta'd. There is some triggering materials that are implied/referenced but it's not like really put in there.

i. 

The first week after the War is over is hard for Oliver, not even for the reasons that normally haunt people who's been in a war. He didn't lose anyone, and he hadn't been injured in some horrid way, he was, by all means, perfectly fine. It was just hard. getting out of bed, took a lot of energy, too much some days and with Percy, who took to sleeping in the guest bedroom out of some misplaced shame or something, not being there in any way, Oliver couldn't force himself to care much about getting out of bed. It's not like he doesn't get out of bed at all, like Percy, he does: he bathes almost every other day and he moves around to sit in the living room occasionally if he can find a reason to. 

He's only worried about one thing: he and Percy have yet to speak to one another.

ii. 

The second week after the war is over is a little easier for Oliver, who realises that life is going to move on and he's got to get moving with it. There's something stopping him, though. It's easier to get out of bed, that much is true, but he can't even leave his apartment and his only interaction is with Percy who lays with him on the floor of their apartment watching the sun move across the sky through the huge windows. Oliver doesn't understand why he doesn't feel safe going outside, but he doesn't question it. Questioning things was Percy's thing back when they were younger and had less baggage hanging off their shoulders, plus, if Percy wasn't going to question things then why should he?

(they still haven't spoken aloud). 

iii. 

The third week after the war is the hardest. Everything is starting to sink in and neither Percy or Oliver gets sleep that week, making them on edge. Oliver hides in his room, ashamed that he's hiding and Percy is hiding in the guest bathroom either trying to drown himself in the bathtub or throwing up all the food they had eaten. They don't leave their respective rooms that week, pushing back their recovery back to zero and Oliver just wants everything to go back to normal because this. just. isn't. fair. He sobs when he thinks about those friends of his that he had drifted away from so much that he doesn't even count them as friends anymore and he throws everything that's glass around. 

(unless uncontrollable sobbing and vomiting noises count as talking, the house is still silent). 

iv. 

The fourth week is pretty heavenly. Things feel normal again and Oliver even sends out post. He gets owls in return, friends from before asking how he is and making a big deal of trying to figure out a day to get together. Oliver makes a big deal of telling them to pick a day and they'll get together because in his mind, he's got a million and one days to pick from. Everyday is going to be great, he just knows it. After week 3 being so bad, there has to be some kind of wonderfulness coming his way. Oliver smiles whenever Percy and him have dinner in the living room, their eyes watching the sun go to sleep and they even make their way out onto the balcony some days during week 4 because it feels right. 

(no talking though, Oliver had tried, but Percy immediately puts a hand over Oliver's mouth and he knew the silence was being enforced). 

v. 

Week 5 is way too much. Oliver couldn't even try to count the ways. 

vi. 

Week 6 is a week with little to remember it by. No sound is allowed besides the radio and for all that Oliver wants to talk, he's perfectly okay with the silence that week. He has nothing he wants to say, and he's pretty sure Percy has nothing to say. 

vii. 

Week 7 is the first week they allow someone in the apartment. It's just Professor McGonagall asks if Oliver would come back this coming school year to help train the first years since Coach Hooch got a bad injury to her leg and cannot teach anymore. Oliver nods when she asks and he can tell that she wants a verbal agreement. Oliver can't give her one at the time, he can't force the words to form in his brain. She accepts it though and tells him that sometime later he will be getting an owl with the information he might need along with a contract. 

(neither of them talk that week, but Percy moves back into a bedroom with Oliver and it calms both of their nightmares). 

viii. 

Week 8 is the week when Oliver drags Percy out their apartment. It's a good week, one of the best and they go to a shop not far from the apartment. It's a good shop and they can smile and feel carefree. It's a feeling neither thought they'd feel again. It's freeing. After over a month of mood swings ranging from good to horrendously bad, Oliver feels like this week, this outside venture, is long overdue. They haven't interacted with anyone since Professor - or is she Headmistress? - McGonagall and Oliver feels like they should try to interact with more people, even if they do get very tired afterwards. 

(when they get home, they don't speak, they just fall into bed). 

ix. 

Week 9 is a blessing in disguise as a curse. Oliver opens his mouth on the first day of week 9 and Percy doesn't stop him. They have conversations in bed at night, and they make jokes, but by the middle of day 2, they're screaming at each other, blaming one another and the words are worse than anything they've ever said to one another. The screaming lasts long into every night that week, and Oliver just wants to give up. He wants to pack his bags, label Percy as a lost cause and go start a new life without the red-head from school. They for some reason still lay in the same bed, hissing horrible things to one another at night when they're trying to sleep and in the morning, they wake up with nightmares that affect both of them. 

(they're speaking though and though all the words hurt, at least words are being passed between them). 

x. 

10 weeks after the War ends, Oliver feels better. It doesn't feel like all the other weeks do, like if he hopes for good days all he's going to get is bad days. Maybe this week will be the first real week in healing. Maybe something good will finally happen to him instead of those on and off weeks. Quidditch won't be coming back for a while, too much damage, too many people in mourning. He has a couple more weeks before the new school year will start up, a couple more weeks of trying to figure out where his relationship will stand when he goes off to Hogwarts and Percy stays home or goes back to the Ministry but that's okay. 

Healing takes time, and maybe today or even this week won't be the day that he wakes up feeling refreshed or healed but it'll be day that led to it. The fighting between him and Percy has ebbed into silent tears and heavy worded pleas for forgiveness. They both feel as if they've failed each other and it'll take longer for those wounds to heal. Oliver knows this. _Headmistress_ McGonagall explains this to him when he goes to set up his dormitory. 

"War doesn't just end when one side surrenders, it doesn't end when all the bodies have buried, it doesn't end even when all the physical wounds have been healed. War is a mental state along with physical state, it will only end when the mental state is healed as well."


End file.
